


Without The Suit

by Nicola_Xxx



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Avengers Family, BAMF Natasha Romanov, BAMF Steve Rogers, Bottom Tony Stark, Bruce Banner & Tony Stark Friendship, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Flashbacks, Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Manipulative Nick Fury, Nightmares, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Top Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-02-10 14:56:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18662680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicola_Xxx/pseuds/Nicola_Xxx
Summary: Who actually won the Civil War? No one would've guessed that Tony Stark, Billionaire, Genius, Playboy, Philanthropist was hurt the most. Nick Fury called all Avengers back to the Compound in hope of assisting the man het his life back on track, but it would seem that he wouldn't accept any help.It was up to Steve now. He needed to protect the man from himself, and maybe accept his feeling for him at the same point in the same time?





	1. Family Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you foe clicking. This story talks about sensitive subjects like suicide and torture so please keep that in mind while reading. There will be no refences to infinity war or Endgame because I am still heart broken, instead I've written some angsty fluff that I hope you will enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys! Thank you so much for clicking on my story, I hope you like it. Please be careful as it talks about issues such as suicide and self harm. If you are experiencing any of these problems then please reach out, there are so many resources that can help you, you can even email me at n1cola.ch1lds@outlook.com. Like I said before, Thank you for reading a please feel free to comment any improvements or ideas!

Steve found himself sitting in an office, much like a bare hospital room, having no idea how he got there or why. Admittedly, he wasn’t surprised. Ever since the fight between him and Tony, he was forced to go on the run while the rest of his team mates were forced into prisons and recently he wasn’t being careful. So it didn’t come as a shock when Nick Fury strolled in, dramatic as ever and sat himself in front of the WW2 hero. They sat there in an uncomfortable silence until the door opened again, and a certain red-headed spy sat next to Steve.

 

“How’d you find me Fury?” Steve questioned, but a more protenant question was at the back of his mind.

 

“We never lost you Mr Rogers. Been keeping tabs on you since you ran off with your little boyfriend, while simultaneously destroying the avenger’s initiative.” Something was wrong, Steve had never seen any other emotion on the man’s face other than anger (his name suited him) but now it showed something else. Remorse?

 

It was Natasha this time the spoke up “What do you want Sir, another mission? Want us to sort out a PR problem? Military issues?” One thing he always admired about Romanoff was her bluntness, while she had no issue with being direct, Steve often felt like the man he was before the serum in situations like these.

 

“Unfortunately not Agent Romanoff.” There was a pause, like the man was trying to find the words to say which only made Steve more nervous. “I want you, along with the other avengers to move back into the compound, you have been pardoned and will be located back indefinitely.”

 

“And why would we do that Sir?” The spy replied.

 

Another pause. It was daunting, seeing this man struggle to explain when he was normally strong and confident in his words, The only over time he saw this side of Fury was when Agent Coulson died. Please don’t say someone else had passed.

 

Nick low voice broke both the silence and the worry stream of thoughts flooding though Steve’s head. “We believe that Stark has become… a threat.”

 

The captains heart stuttered at that name, his breath increased, and he noticed himself start to shake, out of all the things he’d done in his life, his main regret was what he had done to the billionaire. Seeing the normally eccentric man so broken, it was like a mask had finally been removed showing the destroyed, inconsolable person behind it. Yeah, they didn’t get along well, but Steve still cared for him, possibly more than the rest of the team. And now he’d have to see the man again.

 

“What did he do this time, threaten a private government or found a way to bring another psychotic robot to the city?” Despite the fact that her words were light, he knew Natasha well enough to hear worry bleeding from her words, no one had spoken to Tony since the fight, only seeing him on the news so god knows what was going on.

 

“Sir, I know Stark can be reckless, but I can’t believe that he has become a genuine concern.”

 

“Rogers, it isn’t my place to explain this situation, all you need to know is that yourself, Agent Romanoff, Dr Banner and Agent Barton will be located at the old facility until further notice. I trust the two of you will be able to inform the other on this condition.”

 

And with that, he got up and strode out of the room, leaving Steve and Natasha in a confused silence. They shared a hesitant look (for some reason the spy was not being her usual emotionless self) before another agent lead them into a black SUV, barely giving them enough time to sit as it drove off. Once again, they sat in silence unknowing to where they were being taken, why Tony was a concern or why they were being moved into the Tower.

 

By the time the car stopped, it was beginning to turn dark outside, but Steve had no idea of the time, he was too trapped in his mind to pay attention. A million questions filled him along with an overwhelming feeling of anxiety. The door slid open and a very tired looking Doctor entered, took one look at the captain and spy as he slid into his seat, not bothering to hide his exhaustion.

 

“You need me or the other guy?”

 

“We’re actually not sure Bruce. Fury contacted me and Rogers about 4 hours ago, we’re being moved into the old compound for the forceable future.” For the 20th time that day, Steve felt at unease, he still had nightmare of himself smashing his shield into Tony, he was still racked with guilt every time he saw the man in the news. And now he would have to see him again, for god knows what reason.

 

Once again, the car settled into an uncomfortable silence. Natasha’s demeanour gave off no clues about her thoughts, reverting back to her impassive front. Bruce on the other hand almost looked guilty, like he knew something was up, but Steve didn’t want to risk aggravating the man, he didn’t have the energy.

 

Finally they reached Clint’s place in time to see him hugging Laura and kissing his kids’ goodbye, he clearly thought this was a mission as he was fully equipped with his bow and arrows and Steve prayed that this was a fight rather than whatever was going on. Something about it just up him on edge and he got increasingly nervous as a familiar building could be seen in the distance. He found himself questioning weather he could run away again, just get out if the SUV and run. But he decided against it, knowing he had to face his fears.

 

The 4 ex-avengers begrudgingly made their way into the building, he didn’t know about the others, but Steve could barely manage to keep moving his feet, his hands were visibly shaking now and he could feel his heart thumping against his ribcage. Once they go in the elevator, there was no escaping now. Would Tony shout? Attack him? Pretend like nothing happened? Why on Earth was he considered a threat in the first place.

 

A wave of nostalgia hit him when they reached the communal living area. Everything was seemingly untouched, all the furniture was the same, not a single pillow was out of place. It was more unsettling than it should’ve been. Pepper was seated at the dining table, surrounded by piles of paper, her entire appearance was off. Most of the time he saw her, she had matched suits, with perfect makeup and her hair elegantly tied up. But now she her eyes had black bags beneath them, her was a mess around her shoulders and her flawless manicure was bitten to pieces. She looked up once she heard footsteps make their way towards the table.

 

“I take it you guys know where your rooms are.” Her voice was quiet and cold. Usually, when she spoke it was in a professional tone but with warmth for the team. Now she was monotone. Shut off. Of course she was, they were the people that abandoned Tony. So Steve just opted to nod and make his way to where he stayed in the past

 

Dust swirled around when he opened the door, it was clear that no one had entered since he stayed there all his things, including and old record player was in the same place as before. He was too worn-out to pay attention, instead up dropping into his bed, clouds of powder jumped from his pillows, but he just sank into them. Mentally preparing himself to see Tony.

 

Just before he slipped into unconsciousness, he could faintly hear conversation followed but a smashing glass. He was too tired to process this and slipped into a familiar nightmare.

 

_He was in a fit of rage, seeing nothing but red as he slammed his shield into the man’s chest._

_It went silent. The only thing that could be heard was the ragged breath of Tony beneath him._

_Steve realised what he did._

_It was too late now, the only source of light, from the suits arc reactor had faded. They were in complete darkness now. He frantically pulled out the shield, in a feeble attempt to hide what he had done. When that made no difference, his trembling hands searched for a pulse on the man’s ice cold neck. There was nothing._

_Tony was dead._

_He killed Tony._

_The blood was on his hands now. The billionaire was pale and drenched in sweat. The corpse was blankly staring back at him, hollow and he wasn’t coming back. Captain America, murderer of Iron Man._

Steve jolted awake, it took him a moment to register that he was in his old room, the silk sheets and high ceilings were very different to the variety of hotels he had spent the past few months in. He was shaking, breathing shallowly as he told himself over and over again that it was just a dream. Tony was alive. Probably in the lab.

 

The thought that he was the cause of that much hurt to a man he truly cared about, he threw it all away for Bucky (who was go knows where) and abandoned a close friend made him feel sick. He left Tony for dead. Now he just had to somehow make it up to him. And since it was… 7:08 in the morning, it would be a reasonable time to figure out what was going on as well as make it up to Stark.

 

By the time he worked up the courage to leave his suite it was way past 8 in the morning and he tentatively walked toward the elevator, telling F.R.I.D.A.Y to take him into the main living area, appreciating the familiar environment around him. That calm feeling left him once he reached his destination, realising that he may have to face Tony for the first time in forever.

 

Instead, he saw Bruce and Pepper seated at the table, no one else could be seen. Once they heard his footsteps, the pair looked up at him, the doctor giving him a soft smile while the red head just nodded. It was better than nothing though. They were sitting in silence (which would apparently be the norm for a short while) but after a couple minuets Pepper left and Steve relaxed fractionally, the woman was scary at the best of times let alone if she was angry at him.

 

“Dr Banner, I don’t mean to offend you, but why are you here? Normally you spend most of your time doing… science things.”

 

The other man smiled again before replying “I haven’t seen Tony yet to discuss where I could work, so I figured that I could just stay here until I see him.” Steve knew that Tony had a habit of forgetting basic human needs like eating but whenever he go in one of these moods, he made an appearance to get coffee and then retreat but to his work space. He knew that if they wanted to work out what was happening, the Captain would have to talk to the inventor first.

 

While he got back into the elevator, time moved slower. He ran through all the possible situations deciding to ignore the most worrying ones, Tony was a stubborn man and would never speak to Steve first, so he had to be the bigger man this time. His feet moved towards the lab before he noticed what was going on and was now standing in front of a blacked out door.

 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, Can you tell Tony I would like to come in?”

 

There was a short pause.

 

“Sir has blocked me from allowing anyone to enter this room at this moment. Would you like me to pass a message?”

 

“Yeah thanks FRI, can you tell him to let me in before I kick down this door?” He hated that he got this angry so fast, he knew that it would not help any issues at the moment, but Tony was just being childish now. They were going to talk about this and resolve any problems despite the fact that the both of them just wanted to avoid each other like the plague. He heard a muffled “Gesù Cristo” and he would’ve found it hot (he had a thing for languages ok?) if the man had opened the door but there was no change.

 

As he was about to ram his left shoulder into the glass door, a gentle hand tapped his shoulder and he jumped in shock. Without her heels, Pepper was surprisingly quiet or maybe Steve was too trapped in his mind to notice her. She spoke in the same emotionless tone as she told F.R.I.D.A.Y an override code and the door swung open.

 

He couldn’t help but gasp at the sight before him. The first thing that caught his eye was a small fire in the corner of the room, casting shadows to dance on the walls. Smashed bottled littered the floor, the shards of glass crunching under his feet. A small figure was hunched into the corner, working on whatever with a blowtorch and even from a great distance, Steve could see Tony’s hands shaking. Was it because of him?

 

It was obvious that Tony knew Steve was there, it’s not like the soldier was good at being silent like Natasha or Clint so he was just being ignored. But nothing was being thrown and no one was screaming so things were going as good as could be expected. The only noise was a subtle drilling sound in the background as they sat there for a solid 30 minutes when Tony finally turned around.

 

The person sitting in the corner was not the Tony he knew. If Steve thought Pepper looked bad, she was nothing compared to Stark. The man he met was tanned, with styled hair, an unconventional beard and perfectly put together outfit. Instead, Tony was pale, almost white, all colour had drained form his face. Clearly it had been a while since he got a haircut, since his black hair was a greasy mess that draped itself over his forehead and it physically hurt Steve to see hints of grey around his temple. His beard was in a similar state, stubble creeping around his jawline. Speaking of his bone structure, his cheekbones stuck out, much like the rest of the bones in his body (Although it was hidden by a baggy long sleeved shirt and tracksuit bottoms). The common phrase ‘eyes are the windows to the soul’ screamed at him when a pair of empty, lifeless, dark eyes starred into his blue ones, they looked to similar to the ones in his dream, sending shivers down his spine.

 

Realising that he had been staring, he decided he couldn’t take it anymore and pushed though the double doors to get any air, but nothing was coming to him. He was hyperventilating now, tears streaming down his cheeks as he thought back to the man in the lab, refusing to call him Tony since it wasn’t the man he knew. The panic had settled now and was replaced with anger. What right did Fury have to force him to say here? Was anyone going to tell him what was happening? Why should him and Natasha and Clint and Bruce be the ones to fix this?

 

Why did he let this happen?

 

He was back in the living area when Nick and Maria came in, both dressed in all black, with the same cold and calculating demeanour as they walked into the room. At some point, all the other avengers as well as Pepper were sitting on the couch, with the two S.H.I.E.L.D agents stood opposite them.

 

“So what updates do we have on Stark?” Nick asked the group.

 

“No. I refuse to answer any of your questions till you tell us what the fuck is going on.” Huh, Clint beat him to it.

 

The group started expectantly at Fury, each of them hostile to tell the man they weren’t going to co-operate until they got answers and for once in his life, Nick looked almost tired, he ran his hand over his face and then looked at Maria then Pepper. But he still said nothing when a quiet cough drew their attention to Mr Starks assistant.

 

“Um.” Her voice broke before she could even get her words out, something was terribly wrong and for a split second, Steve didn’t want to know what she was about to say. “About 5 days ago, 5 or 6, I- I’m not very sure, I um. Well I found T- Tony. In the bathtub. Ful- Fully clothed. He had-" She broke down before she could finish the sentence as Maria made her way over to the sobbing woman. Everyone was tense, they knew what Pepper was about to say, but please god no.

 

“5 days ago Miss Potts found Stark with slits on each wrist, each approximately 6 inches in length.”


	2. The Note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys I'm so sorry it took so long to update! I have exams until the 20th so I might be a bit slow so thank you for your patience. Honestly this is just about the only thing I do in my life, I don't need friends, they disappoint me. I hope you enjoy!

A glass broke somewhere behind Steve. In the corner of his eye he saw Bruce run off, green peaking out of his collar. The archer to his left swore, and Steve could practically hear Tony’s mocking tone say “Language”. Except he wasn’t there. He was in his lab, on his own. Less than a week after attempting to end his own life. A choked sob could be hear and Steve expected to see Pepper but instead, the Russian red-head (who he had barely seen a trace of emotion from) had tears falling down her cheeks, hand over he mouth to cover up her cries. Even Nick looked somewhat melancholy.

 

Everyone was showing some form of emotion, but Steve was just numb. He knew that he at least had a small role to play in this, to make a man that he once saw as someone who was larger than life, someone who couldn’t give a fuck about what anyone thought or did. New York should’ve been a hint at what was hidden behind that mask, the man risked his life without a high chance of surviving. Now, he was broken, hiding away from the people he once considered family. The thought of Tony, laying there. Alone. Because he didn’t see another option. And then Steve was filled with anger, How the hell could Tony do this to ~~him~~ them. How dare he try something like this, the people needed Iron Man and he was going to throw that all away? He knew he had no right to be mad, for now he had to work on helping Stark.

 

He was vaguely aware of the two spies leaving the room, followed by a distraught Pepper but he was too stunned to move. Out of all the theories he had, he never expected this. Never this. The couch cushion dipped next to him and he saw Fury pull and envelope out of his leather jacket and place it in the soldier shaking hands. Please don’t be a note, please.

 

“Don’t worry its not.” Huh. He must’ve said that out loud. “Its actually the man's will, he left a video note, if you want to watch it just ask F.R.I.D.A.Y” And then the man left, leaving Steve alone on the sofa.

 

How bad could a will be to read? He probably wouldn’t be able to read half of the legal bits anyway, so he reluctantly opened the letter. Whenever they were in a fight, and Steve yelled at Tony for endangering himself the response was always about how he would leave stuff of them once he died. That was another sign that Steve failed to notice. And as it turns about, Tony was telling the truth. His company was left to Pepper (of course), all his suits were given to Rhodey seeing that he was the Iron Patriot and his large collection of cars was given to Happy. The rest of his assets including his many houses were split between the team. He also created specialised technology for them, including a new shield, suit and book for Steve explaining how to use the worlds most recent devices. Even while he was planning his death, Tony found the time to create the team that betrayed him amazing new weapons. And they wouldn’t have even be able to thank him

 

Tears were freely falling now, Steve heart broke as he thought to all the times he ignored his friends cried for help, or the fact that the billionaire had no one to console him when he felt like that. Now Steve was down the rabbit hole with one thing on his mind. The note. Was he going to watch it? Could he watch it? At the end of the day, curiosity killed then cat and he asked F.R.I.D.A.Y to play it.

 

A hologram popped up on the table and a very distressed looking Tony appeared. He looked roughly the same as Steve had seen him the minuets (hours?) before, except this time he was openly crying. The Captain took a deep breath and watched the scene unfold.

 

“Hey Baby Girl, active protocol blackout. Block all calls including Pepper and do not attempt to contact anyone ok?”

 

Even though F.R.I.D.A.Y was smart, she was still young and didn’t know how to override her bosses’ orders, so instead there was a brief pause before she informed her boss that it was done.

 

“Thanks F.R.I.” He took a shaky beat and then looked directly into the camera.” Hey. Shalom. Aloha. Jesus I don’t know how to do this” He said with a sad chuckle “Ok so this is one of those situation where if you watch this it means I am probably dead. I’m gonna start by apologising, which I’m probably gonna do a lot, so yeah. Anyways, sorry to the person that finds me, that sucks and I’m sorry.” He nervously ran his hand though his hair. “Look, I don’t want anyone to feel guilty or blame themselves, it’s no one’s fault but my own. I. Um. I just can’t do this anymore. I how I look like your average, dashingly handsome genius with a fuck ton of money but I’m not. And I don’t want anyone believing I’m a hero. I am many things but I’m certainly not that. I’m just an ignorant mass murderer with drinking problems and daddy issues.” There was another chuckle as he looked how to the glass in this hand which was half full of amber liquid, probably whiskey.

 

“There are certain things I wanna do before… Well you know. I understand that there is no way I can make it up to all the family’s hurt by my creations, Iron Man or otherwise but I truly am sorry. I’m sorry for Happy, who’s had to deal with me for the past 10 years, picking up my drunk ass and stopping me from punching the shit out of certain reporters. I’m sorry to Rhodey who’s been with me, for some reason, since college and stuck by me despite me being a dickhead, I don’t really know how you did it honey bear. I’ve tried to make something that will help with the leg situation, if I had looked out for you instead of Branes then you wouldn’t be in this situation. And I’ll never be able to put into words how sorry I am to Pepper. God she’s been a lifesaver, singled headedly running Stark Industries while making sure my one-night stands leave as well as making sure I eat and sleep. I’m sorry it was all in vain Pep.” He was quietly sobbing now, his entire body shaking as cries wracked his skeletal frame.

 

At this point Steve needed to take a break and walked into the gym, finding his usual spot with his specialised punch bags and furiously pounded at the leather until it ripped at his fists. He hadn’t bothered to wrap his hands so now they were red and blooded; each minuscule moment stung the fresh cuts. He calmed his breathing in time, Bruce walked in just as he stopped hyperventilating. He didn’t say anything as he led Steve to a sink in the corner of the room and gently washed his cuts. There was still a green hue to his skin, but he didn’t notice and went to get a first aid kit.

 

Once that was done, Bruce retreated back to his room and Steve entered to common room again to continue watching. He shuddered as he played the video.

 

“I kinda wanted a separate bit for the team so here we are. Cap was always nagging about being positive and all that jazz so I’m gonna start by saying thanks. I’m so thankful for the fact that you guys made the tower feel like home, that you all gave me such an amazing family”

 

God Steve couldn’t watch this.

 

 “And even little things like when Brucie Bear called out a mistake that would’ve messed up my experiment, or Nat teaching me how to spar. But I can’t do this without apologising.”

“Wanda I’m so fucking sorry I killed your parents. I know what losing them can feel like so I understand if you can never forgive me.”

“Vision, I never should’ve forced you to lock up Wanda, I hope your relationship isn’t damaged because of it.”

“Sam, I’m very grateful that Cap has a friend like you, I’m sorry you were thrown into the mess I made.”

“T’Challa if I hadn’t messed with the accords then your father would still be here today and like Wanda, I can understand if you can’t forgive me.”

“Legolas it sucks that I forced you out of retirement and put you in the danger of your family losing you. I hope that Laura and the kids are well.”

“Thor I know I should’ve been more cooperative with your brother and that would’ve made your life so much easier, I’m sorry for all the hassle I caused.”

“Bruce I’m sorry for when we first met and I kept trying to force you to hulk out, that was very ignorant of me. I know you just wanted a peaceful life, so I apologise for not allowing you to have that.”

“Nat, I’m afraid for once you were wrong. Neither me or Iron Man was suitable for the avengers. I know how hard I was for you to pick sides but now you won’t have to. You and Bruce be safe though, I don’t think the team would appreciate green spy toddlers running around”

“Barnes-

 

Oh God. Was Tony really going to apologise to Bucky? There no way in hell he can find some reason to be sorry, everything he did (as Steve recently realised) was completely justified. It hurt to see Tony take on all this blame and the fact that he seemed so sincere hurt even more. Some of the events that he talked about was way before the whole civil war, so how long had Tony been feeling like this?

 

“I now know that it wasn’t you that killed my parents, that it was a separate entity so you should never feel guilty of the people the winter soldier has killed. I over reacted because I was scared of losing Steve, and that meant that you were forced to fight, just to be excused for something that you didn’t even do. Perhaps once I’m gone you can use my lab to help you out, along with the arm. Now that I’m not here you can find some peace.”

 

Steve never really understood why Tony hated Bucky, he didn’t know about his parent assassination, nor had he even met the man, but it made sense now. What with Tony being Howard’s son, Steve thought they could be civil but that was wrong. But in spite of their arguments, they had become closer, Tony even admitted that Captain America was his hero growing up. And he was terrified of losing him. God, Steve had just rejected him, was too concerned to look out for one of his closest friends. He was supposed to be a Captain for crying out loud.

 

“Capsicle. I-I don’t even know where to start if I’m being honest. First of all, I know you’re gonna be mad when you find out because this isn’t what good people do, they don’t just take the easy way out. But I’m not a good person. You were right, I’m not hero. I’m sorry for all the meaningless arguments I caused. I’m sorry for not following orders. I’m sorry that I allowed others to get hurt instead of me. I’m sorry for Ultron. I’m sorry for the accords. I’m sorry for Barnes. There are a million things I’ve done wrong to you when you didn’t deserve any of it. You are an amazing Captain and friend and I’m sorry.”

 

Any cool that Tony had was abandoned after he said that. He threw the glass against the wall, watching it shatter. He then swiped all the blue prints off his desk into the trash and used what little alcohol was left in a nearby bottle and poured it over his work. He over turned tables, screaming and crying. Saying to sorry to his father, a man called Yensin, even Nick Fury. When this was over he fell to the floor and sobbed before looking directly into the camera and whispered a broken “I’m Sorry”. And with that the hologram disappeared. Steve sat there, catatonic, staring at where the disturbing video had been. He was numb, too shocked to feel anything as his brain analysed what he had witnessed.

 

Light footsteps pulled him out of this state and he turned around to see Tony step out of the elevator.


	3. A mess called Tony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who's crying over Endgame again. Please feel free to comment any improvements I can make!  
> (Also did you guys watch the new Spider-Man trailer? This film is going to break me)

So step was the wrong word. Tony practically fell out of the elevator, completely unaware of Steve sitting on the couch less than 20m away. The engineer staggered towards the kitchen while narrowly missing the table and flung a cupboard open to reach one of his favourite mugs. At least somethings never change. The soldier didn’t really know what to do, should he tell Tony he was there? Or leave? Or just hope that he wasn’t noticed?

 

He chose the first option and softly walked towards the man, since he saw the video he decided to treat Tony with a new type of caution. As he moved closer he was remined of how awful Tony looked. His shirt hung off him and he could barely see any skin. Even from behind he could see the grey tinge that had taken over tanned skin and when he reached for the cup, his hand shook, and a white bandage peeked out from the sleeve.

 

“Hey Tone.” Steve said in a gentler voice than he thought he could manage when talking to the billionaire.

 

Instead of getting a snarky comment or eyeroll like he hopes, Tony gasped as his fully body flinched, and the mug smashed onto the floor. He looked at Steve with wide eyes before crumbling to the ground to pick up the shards, allowing glass to cut into his hands.

 

Shit, things were bad.

 

“Tony?” No response. He slowly moved his hands to pull Tony away from the glass, but he was still unresponsive. “Sweetheart you gotta stop that before you seriously hurt yourself ok?” He didn’t really mean to refer to Tony as that, but it just slipped out, and it seemed to calm Tony down, so he’d freak out and overthink about it later. Steve guided the genius towards the sofa in the corner of the room, noticing that he could feel Tony’s ribs through the thick shirt.

 

“Can you stay there for me while I get a first aid kit?” Tony gave a minute nod so Steve made his away to a bathroom and picked up a pile of blankets along with the bandages (he could see Tony shivering). They sat in silence as Steve cleaned each cut and delicately wrapped them up, trying very hard not to look at the white fabric covering the billionaire wrists. During this whole ordeal, Tony did nothing but quietly whisper “I’m sorry” over and over again, Steve couldn’t find the strength to look the other man in the eye.

 

“When’s the last time you slept Tone?” No response again.

 

“If I could help, the last time Sir slept was approximately 43 hours ago” F.R.I.D.A.Y helpfully told Steve. “I believe it is also important to state that Mr Stark has not eaten since he was discharged from hospital, and his blood alcohol levels are at 0.47.” Steve couldn’t help but stare in shock at the figure slumped on the couch. He prayed that whatever just happened was due to being drunk, rather than a scarier alternative.

 

Said figure had relaxed into the seat and his eye slowly began to shut. Steve picked up any discarded blankets and wrapped Tony in them like a burrito, Steve made a sad smile when he nuzzled into a particularly soft duvet. They would worry about throwing away all alcohol and eating food later. Just before Steve left, Tony tugged at his sleeve to tell him something. The captain sunk onto the floor next to the couch and leaned in to say something:

 

“I’m sorry. I failed and I shouldn’t be here. I’ll try harder next time.” And his eyes fluttered shut, All Steve could do was stare at Tony, allowing tears to fall freely as he thought back to the first time they met. Tony was loud, ignorant and rude, but also charming and funny and had an aura of kindness about him. But now he wasn’t here. Replaced with a broken, demoralised man and Steve wondered if he would ever be the same again.

 

He took this opportunity to make his way into the workshop (since this was probably gonna be the only time Tony was sleep and out of the lab or a while) and was met with barren table tops, along with the faint smell of smoke and oil. He scanned the room for anything alcoholic as he didn’t put It by Tony to practically drink himself to death. He was also unnerved by the wide variety if pills the genius had, ranging from migraine medication to antidepressants. He knew better than to throw those away, but he made sure to regularly check in with F.R.I.D.A.Y to see what pills had been taken. The amount of liquor the man possessed was outstanding and it took Steve a solid hour to get rid of most of it. Then he noticed how still everything was. Obviously he wasn’t expecting the room to be swaying, or lights to be dancing but there was no DUMM-E or YOU. Even though Tony constantly threatened to donate them, he loved those robots more than anything so where were they?

 

When he reached the communal floor again, Bruce, Natasha, Clint and Thor (when the hell did he get here?) were all sat around Tony’s sleeping form, each of their expressions in varying degrees of concern. It was clear that something had woken them, Nat was still in her grey sweatpants and top with her hair loosely braided, Clint was wearing soft pants, and Bruce in a loose t-shirt and boxers. The only one dressed was Thor, in his usual cape and armour yet he looked just as tired as the rest of them. Once he saw Steve, he quietly got up and gave the soldier as gentle of a hug and the god could manage (which still crushed Steve till he couldn’t breathe)

 

“Son of Coul informed me of what happened to brother Stark. I came as quickly as possible and hope to stay here to aid Tony through this tough time.” Steve just gave a soft nod and looked to the rest of the avengers with a puzzled expression. Bruce just looked away from Tony momentarily to whisper “nightmares” and then turned back to the sleeping man.

 

It some point, each of them collected a blanket and pillow to get comfortable and they rested against the sofa, or in some position where they could protect Tony if necessary. Clint left for a few moments and came back with mugs of hot chocolate and they drink solemnly. It was clear as day that each of them blamed themselves for what happened, even Nat began to cry into Bruce’s shoulder and for once in all the time Steve had known him, Thor genuinely looked sad.  There had been no discussion on the whereabouts of Bucky, or what would happen to the avengers. Their primary concern was Tony at this point was Tony.

 

Every now and them, Tony would flinch in this sleep and five heads snapped up to see if everything was ok, only settling down when there was no present danger. Tony wore masks, that much was clear. It took each of them time to see it, but they all knew. And therefore, helping Tony would be a million times harder. One by one they dosed off, protectively huddled around the genius.

 

To Steve’s dismay, when he woke up, Tony was nowhere to be seen.


	4. Captain Meet SpiderMan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the bad chapter and late posting, hopefully after the 20th I'll be back on track! I have very little medical knowledge so in this chapter 99% of the time I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about

It had been a record breaking 6 days before the team saw Tony again. Unless you count the times when Clint crawled through the vents to make sure the engineer was still alive and breathing. But it had been over 140 hours since they had seen Tony, not knowing whether there was food in the lab or if he had slept (probably not) so Steve decided to take matters into his own hands and finally make Tony have some form of human interaction. He made his way down to the lab, mildly shocked that F.R.I.D.A.Y made no appearance. What was even more shocking was the fact that the lab door was wide open, inviting people to come in.

 

He had never been in Tony’s workshop so for a few moments he stood there in stunned silence and stared at the holograms painting the walls, at the two robots that hid in the corner and he couldn’t help but notice the lack of personal items. His eyes flicked around the room and they landed on an oddly bare table. On top of it was a note. Addressed to Steve.

 

Now, normally he would just scoff at how odd the whole situation was, blaming it on Tony’s eccentric personality but in light of recent events, he just felt dread. After it was opened, roughly 0.5 seconds later Steve sprinted out the lab, yelling for the team to meet him in the main room. He cursed the elevator for being too slow when he tumbled out of it and was met with 4 pairs of concerned eyes staring back at him.

 

“Brother Steven, what has concerned you so?” Thor boomed, his voice expressing the worries of everyone else in the room but for some reason Steve couldn’t find his voice.

 

“Steve” Bruce said slowly while gently running circles along the soldier’s shoulders “What’s going on?”

 

Again Steve didn’t speak to them, instead he thought to why F.R.I.D.A.Y. was silent. She had been muted. And hopefully Steve’s override code still worked. And it did. Once she thanked the man for allowing her to talk again he asked, “Where is Tony?” ignoring the way his voice shook.

 

“I am unable to track Boss’ current location.” This was not good. This was bad. Very bad. “However, I am able to tell you that Mr Stark left the tower approximately 2 hours and 28 minuets ago.” That was ages ago. Too long. The scribbled ‘ _I’m Sorry_ ’ on that faded piece of paper flooded Steve’s vision, but he was a Captain and he needed to be strong right now. So he stared directly into the eyes of the spies, god and doctor and told them to suit up. They had a billionaire to find, and hopefully not too late.

 

Each of them split up to an area that would fit best for their abilities. Bruce stayed at home and used Tony’s technology to see if he could track the man, Thor used his hammer for aerial searching, Clint was perched on rooftops and Natasha looked around the city on foot and asked questions. Steve remained at the compound staring at the paper blankly, too afraid to read it. They decided that someone needed to stay at home in case Tony came back home and Steve was clearly not in the best shape to be out looking for him.

 

When his phone rang, he was shocked to see that it had already been 3 hours since the team went out looking and he swallowed nervously when he picked up.

 

“Steve, look. You gotta get to the SHIELD med bay ok? We’ll catch you up when you get here. Please be quick” Clint mumbled quickly into the phone and Steve didn’t get the chance to reply as the scientist hung up. He had never driven faster in his life.

 

When he got to the SHIELD base (26 minutes earlier than normal) he stormed into the building watching agents flatten themselves against the corridor as he marched down to the medical area and saw his team, all looking exhausted with dark eyes and tear tracks down their cheeks. Nat was sitting on the floor as Thor nervously braided her hair, Clint was staring blankly at the pale wall and Bruce was nursing a cup of coffee and the fingertips of his hands had hints of green.

 

He was about to ask the dreaded question when an anxious doctor came out of an adjacent room and glanced at his gloved hands. “I have some fortunate news for you guys. While Mr Stark did obtain substantial injuries due to the fall, we have managed to stabilise him. We have put him in a medically induced coma in order to help him heal easier and should be waking up in roughly 48 hours.”

 

“And what injuries did he get?” Natasha asked quietly.

 

“He received a major concussion but luckily there was no permanent damage, cracked four ribs, fractured his fibula and dislocated his left shoulder, fractured both feet in several places, bruised his kidneys and some internal bleeding. Luckily, he was not in the water long enough for there to be any issues with oxygen deprivation and the estimated time for him to be fully healed is between 8 and 12 months.”

 

“Why do I get the feeling you are about to tell us even more bad news Doc?” Clint said through gritted teeth.

 

“As this would be Mr Stark’s second suicide attempt within a fortnight, Nick Fury has decided to revoke him of all avenger’s duty, seize all Iron man suits till he feels Mr Stark is ready to be back in duty and place him in a more secure unit to be psychologically assessed.”

 

And that was the last straw for the Hulk and he leased out on the Doctor, picking him up as  if he was a rag doll and slammed him into the painted walls. Thor gently placed his hand over the giants, both their time away seemed to bring the God and the Hulk closer together and Thor was able to guide his green counterpart out of the corridor and into a hulk proof room. Said Doctor was carried out of the room by other people in white coats and left Natasha, Clint and Steve in shocked silence.

 

Clint was the first one to break out of it and nodded solemnly to the other two and walked out of the building with clenched fists. Nat was next and she stifled a sob and made her way towards the bathroom, probably to cover up the emotion she just showed. Steve then slowly made his way towards the shut door, unsure of whether he was prepared to see his friend? Roommate? Teammate? In such a fragile state.

 

When he nudged open the door, the rhythmic beat of the heart monitor made Steve want to cry, there was no way THE Tony Stark should be attached to that, or the cannula or the oxygen mask. He shouldn’t be a pale grey colour, nor should each bone be visible through the hospital gown. He shouldn’t be covered in bruises or cuts. He should be running around the lab, inventing or flying around in the Iron Man suit like the cocky, sarcastic man he ~~was~~ is.

 

Steve sunk into the plastic chairs surrounding the bed and rested his head in between his hands and stayed like that for the next three days. The old team took shifts, but they had jobs and lives outside that hospital room, Steve’s was lying in a hospital bed. It got to the point where Sam tried to intervene, using all his tricks from group threapy but no one could make Steve leave,

 

And then one night, Steve woke up to see a boy, barely older than 14 sitting in the seat next to him. The kid was clearly close to Tony, judging by the way he gripped the mans hand and the red around his eyes. He appeared to be in his own little world until he said:

 

“You need to make it up to him.” Steve just looked at the boy in confusion. “You weren’t there after the whole civil war thing, but you broke him. There wasn’t a day he was sober and for some reason, he blamed himself and lost pretty much everyone close to him. I know you care, you’ve been here this entire time, but now you need to convince him that you aren’t going to hurt him and that you want to be here.” Steve nodded softly, knowing there was some truth in his words, and he stuck out his hand to greet the boy.

 

“Steve Rogers” The boy took his hand.

 

“Peter Parker” This Peter kid had a surprisingly strong grip and for some reason Steve had some flicker of recognition, but he could place it.

 

“As much as I’d like to talk right now I gotta go before my Aunt May kills me”

 

Oh my God. Steve thought back to the airport and distinctly remembered Tony say, “Stay put or I’ll call Aunt May!” There was no way this kid was Spider-Man, Tony wouldn’t do that. He had to be sure. As Peter made his way towards the door, Steve said in a hushed voice

 

“Where you from kid?”

 

Peter turned and looked the man directly in the eye before saying “Queens” and walked off.


	5. Good Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not posting in ages, I literally have no excuse but I hope to post at least once a week right now. Thank you so much for all the hits, comments and kudos ! Also I'm thinking of writing a WinterIron fanfic but I'm not to sure it the moment. Thanks for reading

Tony being Tony had managed to overwork himself to the point where his body physically couldn’t cope, and it took a full 9 days before he was strong enough to wake up again. It had been the longest week and a half of Steve’s life, he only slept when he passed out from exhaustion to be woken within a few hours since his brain decided to make he see Tony fall to his death every time he closed his eyes. The steady beeping of the heart monitor was slowly driving him insane but gave him clarity that Tony was still alive.

 

It started with a tiny twitch, barely noticeable but there. It took a full 5 weeks before Tony even showed a slither of consciousness, he often just shuffled in his sleep, or softly flinch which the doctors explained was very normal. Steve was an absolute mess, Natasha and Sam had to force him to get sleep, Bruce would often lecture him on the dangers of what he was doing and Thor constantly shoved food towards him whenever there was an opportunity. Clint don’t nothing like that, instead he just at next to Steve in melancholy silence, offering to take over shifts and give him a pat on the back whenever he left. What was going on probably hit Clint the hardest (aside from a certain super solider) possibly because like the rest of the team he had a mindset about Tony and instead of like the others, chose to call the billionaire out on it. Only now was it clear that Tony wasn’t an eccentric, egotistical asshole.

 

By the time he was able to open his eyes Steve had a full blown beard and his hair dangled against his eyes. He had to be dragged from the room to shower and never found the time to get his hair cut. Thor joked about them having matching beards, but he couldn’t find the strength to laugh. He was aware of how dark his eyes were, how he was significantly paler, and he kept telling himself that he would sort it out when Tony work up.

 

While Pepper desperately wanted to stay by Tony’s side, she was busy dealing with the press by making up intricate lies and running Stark Industries. Rhodey tried to visit as much as possible but with his psychotherapy he could only spare a few hours ~~. Spid~~ Peter on the other hand came to see Tony at least 4 hours every day, sometime with piles of textbooks, other time he just sat there and talked. Once they got over the general hostility, Steve learned that the kid loved to talk. He could animatedly describe his day at school, or his most recent hero work.

 

It was during this talk when Tony first stared waking up. Peter was sitting on one side of the bed, clutching the billionaire’s hand, while Steve sat opposite, holding the other. He was questioning the solider on his PSA’s that they watched during school when a pale hand began to move. This was normal, it happened regularly but there was a flicker of hope in Steve. He was so trapped in his thoughts that just when he looked up, Peter sprinted out of the room and he looked down to see Tony blinking feebly at the harsh fluorescent lights.

 

The doctors came within 20 seconds and began to say soothing words to the man is soft tones. A nurse walked over to the two heroes and instructed them to leave, saying that they needed to do an assessment for any permanent damage. The rest of the team were all working so he just quickly texted them explaining the situation. He called Pepper but she didn’t answer so he left a voicemail. Rhodey answered and told Steve he would be there in an hour.

 

Even though relief flooded though him, Steve was still concerned. He had no idea what was in the future for Tony, he didn’t even read the note to find out reasons why. Before he could spiral further, the men in white coats exited the room and informed the man that he should make a good recovery. Physically.

 

He willed his feet to get up and make his way towards Tony’s room, but he was downright terrified. He would rather fight a bunch of Nazi’s than have Tony react poorly to him. Peter seemed to pick up on this and just nudged him forwards and gave a reassuring smile. So he placed on foot in front of the other and made his way towards the bed.

 

The door opened willingly and bathed the hospital room in harsh white lights. A soft groan came from the bed, Tony was attempting to shelter his eyes from the light but failing miserably so Steve swiftly closed the door.

 

“Woah Cappuccino, you probably look worse than I do!” Well that was unexpected.

 

“Um yeah. H-How you feeling Tony?”

 

“Still alive and breathing” He replied with a smile. Scratch that, it was a smirk. That stupid one he used in interviews and press photos, the one that looked so detached from his eyes. It was scary to think that most people didn’t notice that it was fake, a perfected mask that had fooled everyone, including Steve until recently. All the pent up anger and hurt that overwhelmed Steve the past few weeks was threating to bubble over and that wouldn’t be good for anyone.

 

“Right, well yeah. You need anything?” “I could really do with some shawarma and a couple pretty girls” Tony chuckled. He seemed to have noticed the way Steve stiffened at that. “Don’t worry Spangles, you’re pretty too”

 

“No.” Steve said in a hushed whisper. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to throw yourself off a fucking building” He ignored the flinch Tony gave. “You don’t get to worry all of us for almost 6 fucking weeks to do this”

 

“I don’t know what you mean Capsicle”

 

“That right there! You don’t get to joke and act as if nothings happened! I-We were so scared. Please don’t shut us out right now. Not when you need our help.” He made his way to one of the bedside chairs and grabbed the other man’s hand imploringly. “We all care about you Tony.”

 

“You care?” A soft whisper asked.

 

“I’ve always cared.”

 

“Huh. Didn’t seem like it in Siberia.” Tony glanced up at Steve to see a pair of wide, heartbroken blue eyes looking directly at him. “Don’t worry about it, I accepted that I never mattered to you a while ago.”

 

Before Steve could argue his side, Peter rushed, or more accurately, tripped into the room whole clearly oblivious to the tension and dropped into a nearby chair. “Hey Mr Stark, good morning, or I guess good night. I did so much while you were away sir, I hope you don’t mind but me and Ned was looking at the webs and we tried to work out a chemical compound that will allow my webs to be like 20 times stronger! So obviously at first we weren’t really sure too start, I mean there’s like 20 gazillion different combinations and clearly we need to get rid of any of the harmful ones so that left us with like-“

 

Steve swiftly moved out of the room, feeling sick and shaky and manged to reach the edge of the hallway before he collapsed onto the floor. Despite everything, Steve hadn’t gotten around to reading the note, so that was the first thing to do on his list. Just right after he’d finish having break down which too a surprisingly long time. Peter had left the hospital and Rhodey rushed in to see his best friend before Steve was able to get off the floor. He knew the note was in his old leather jacket and that was fortunately still in the lobby of the med bay, so he was easily able to retrieve the letter.

 

Even in the harsh lights, it was still hard for Steve to read the words through the tears in his eyes, but he managed.

 

_I’m Sorry. I’m so sorry I failed before, I guess dad was right, I can do anything correctly. But this is it. Steve this is written to you personally because I feel you need to hear/see these words desperately. Please don’t feel like you were responsible in any way, in fact, you’ve made these last few years some of the most enjoyable ones in my life._

_I’m scared I’ll never be that happy again. But its ok, it’s what I deserve. I never deserved you, to the team or the love you guys gave me, so it was kind of a relief that I lost you guys. But I gotta go now.  You don’t have to worry about financial issues or any of that bullshit since everything I said in the video is still true._

_I hope that you find Barnes and care for him like the amazing person you are. Keep the team close, you all clearly care about each other and if I’m being honest Stevie, you really need to get out of the house more and they can help you with that._

_Honest to god, you were one of the greatest people I have ever had the pleasure to meet, with your stupid costume ~~and tight ass. Like damn, what kind of work outs do you do???~~ I know my father would be insanely proud of you and everything you have done for the world. Hopefully now that I am gone you will finally be able to enjoy the 21st century. _

_Please do not feel guilty for what’s happened. You are incredible and I hope life gives you the life you deserve._

_Love Tony_

Steve ripped up the paper and stormed upstairs and laid in bed for the first time in ages, allowing his tears to fall as he loudly sobbed into the mattress.

 

 

While Steve wanted nothing more than to spend the day around Tony, it would only be fair to allow the others to have some alone time with the genius. Of course, Fury and Hill were one of the first people to talk to Tony besides Steve and Peter. The meeting was brief, Fury explained what would happen in the foreseeable future with Tony only interrupting to make sarcastic comments every now and then. It was clear that the pair were concerned when they left the room, even if Nick didn’t like to admit it, he cared deeply for the team and Maria had developed a soft spot for Tony. As they brushed by Steve who was sitting outside the doorway, he heard Hill whisper “Look out for him Rogers”

 

Then one by one, visitors trickled in and out of the room. First it was Thor, who as loud as ever boomed greeting to the man in the bed, and offered Tony a Pop Tart, which he chuckled at but rejected. Then the God began to explain in detail his many adventures through the nine realms (and Thor was an amazing storyteller) and even Steve was invested in listening to the story of Surtur. Once that was over Thor left, shooting Steve a concerned look as he left, looking unusually solemn.

 

Next was Sam, who placed a bagel and coffee next to Steve as he walked into the room. As the Flacons voice was significantly quieter than Thor’s, Steve could only make out a few words but judging by the tone, Sam was trying to help Tony talk through what had happened but was met with jokes instead of sincere answers. Sam left a few minutes after he came and sat next to Steve, allowing the super soldier to rest his head on him.

 

Natasha was third and she was just as good at hiding her emotions as Tony. She slipped into the room and began to discuss the latest technology S.H.I.E.L.D had given them, complaining that they were no way near as good as Tony’s. She also snuck in a Stark Pad to let Tony work on any new designs knowing that he would lose his mind if he wasn’t allowed to work. Steve had to admit; they made a great team. Natasha had innovative (if not violent) ideas and Tony was able to adapt them into something he could create. Towards the end of their time together, he heard Nat get almost angry, her tone was pointed and raised as she threatened to castrate Tony if he ever tried to hurt himself again. The billionaire told her that he didn’t need a dick to make others feel good and Steve felt himself blush at the thought. When she left the room she quickly told the two men everything they needed to do for Tony at the tower, including removing all alcohol and gave them a sad smile as she walked away to get prepared for a new mission.

 

Judging from the startled cry followed by breathless laughter, Clint was next. Obviously Barton couldn’t just walk in the door like a normal person, obviously he had to go through the vents and give Steve a heart attack. He heard a muffled “Fuck, Sorry” and inwardly cursed Clint for the idiotic idea of surprising the man who feared them. Tony may not have said it, but the tiny flinches and avoidance of the team was enough. It took a full 5 minutes for Steve to zone out of the conversation, Clint was talking about a new show on Netflix and Steve was too tired to pay attention and only focused when the door opened next to him and he heard Barton mumble an apology as he walked out. And god knows they all owed Tony one hell of an apology.

 

Sam had to leave when Bruce shuffled in to see Tony. At Least Bruce had some understanding of how Tony felt, and it gave Steve a brief flicker of hope. In all fairness to Banner, he wasn’t great with social interaction and rarely came out of his room/lab but for some reason he was clearly more comfortable around Tony so if anyone was going to get Tony to talk then the doctor was the best chance. It was quite hard to keep up with their conversation, most of the time he had no idea what they were talking about, it was pointless to eavesdrop anyways because every time Bruce tried to talk about the situation, Tony would deflect, like he did when reporters asked him questions he didn’t want to answer. When he left the room, Bruce walked further into the hospital and came back with two chairs while complaining that sitting on the floor would mess up Steve’s back.

 

The final visitors were Happy, Pepper and Rhodey (Steve felt a twinge of guilt when he glanced at the wheelchair James was sitting in).

 

Happy looked as grumpy as ever, but this time his eyes shined with worry and nervousness. He probably felt like he had failed Tony, since it was his job to protect the man and be his friend. Yet no one was to blame. Tony was clear about that.

 

 Pepper was wearing an outfit similar to the one in the penthouse, only this time she had worn makeup to hide that she had been crying, knowing her she knew Tony wouldn’t want to know that he made THE Virginia Potts cry.

 

Rhodey just looked exhausted. Steve was so caught up in everything, he neglected to think about the soldier who had been friends with Tony since college, the man who had repeatedly picked up Tony in his lowest moments. He had already worried about Tony enough to last him multiple lifetimes and now he was here in a hospital. Because his best friend had tried to die. For the second time within a fortnight.

 

They all acknowledged Bruce and Steve and walked in to see Tony. They were greeted with delighted nicknames (which were also very stupid) but at least he was kind of human around them. The peace only lasted a moment until a harsh slap echoed and ~~shouting~~ loud talking followed. Tony never responded and all that could be heard was Peppers broken words and Rhodey’s angry speech. They had calmed down after about an hour so Steve thought it would be safe to walk in 30 minuets after it went quiet. As he peeped his head through the door, he noticed Pepper asleep at the foot of the bed, James mad his way onto the mattress and was laying next to Tony while Happy was snoring in one of the plastic chair, which had been moved so that he was directly next to the bed.

 

In the middle of the very domestic scene was Tony. It seemed like he wasn’t fully aware of what was happening around him, dead eyes were unfocused and looking at one spot on the blanket. He was so pale, looked so tiny while being plugged and attached to a variety of equipment. Steve fought every urge in him to cry into the billionaire’s shoulder and hold him tighter than ever, but it wouldn’t be right. Bruce had gone home so there was no reason to be outside, instead he leaned against the doorframe inside and looked at the men on the bed.

 

He could feel his eyes begin to droop and decided that he couldn’t fight sleep forever and allowed himself to close his eyes. Which was a very stupid mistake.

 

_He was in Siberia. It was hellishly cold like that day._

_Tony was laying on the ground while Steve was on top of him, shield raised._

_Fear and desperation was radiating off Tony, yet he didn’t fight Steve off. Like he had given up. Like he was prepared to die._

_And the Steve bought the shield down in him._

_He looked in horror as the man began to choke up blood, contrasting the paleness of his skin. Tears filled Tony eyes and he looked up at Steve._

_Now the soldier was frantically attempting to limit damage, placing pressure on the wounds and gently stroking his hair and whispering sorry._

_Tony only looked up at Steve and said, “Thank You” and then his eyes shut._

Steve jolted awake, which in turn woke up Tony, but in all fairness, the genius was probably only asleep due to the masses of drugs that were being pumped into his system. Steve hurried up to his feet to help Tony get more comfortable and offer him water which was rejected. It was obvious that Tony hated being looked after but the presence of his friends help him relax slightly. Steve then sat back down, and it was silent for a few moments.

 

“How long till I can get outta here?” His voice was thoroughly wrecked, horse as if he had been screaming or hour but he turned down water. Steve learned that early in the mornings, Tony was more stripped back, less _Tony Stark_ and more himself. He seemed almost vulnerable at this point and Steve felt like crying for the 100th time.

 

This woke up Rhodey who replied, “Until you’re better so shut up and go to sleep.” So he was still upset then. Honestly Steve couldn’t blame him, and he feared how he would react when he found the time.

 

Tony rolled his eyes and looked up expectantly at Steve who just shrugged and left the room to go and find out. It was different doctor he had to talk to for obvious reasons and he was way worse than the other. He was too chirpy, too optimistic and it made Steve want to punch him in the face. After blabbing on with legal terms, he told Steve that the earliest Tony could go home was in 4 days, if they had the correct equipment at the compound, with people to look after him and that there would be very few opportunities for Tony to hurt himself.

 

So, in four days Tony came home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not posting in ages, I literally have no excuse but I hope to post at least once a week right now. Thank you so much for all the hits, comments and kudos ! Also I'm thinking of writing a WinterIron fanfic but I'm not to sure it the moment. Thanks for reading


	6. Hometime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the wait, unfortunately my laptop broke so I have been unable to write. Hopefully things will be back to normal soon so thank you for waiting. If there's anything you want to specifically happen or have any improvements, Please comment!

Once they had convinced Tony to get in a wheelchair (honestly how was he going to leave on his own with both his feet in casts?) Pepper and Happy got in car with him, with Happy driving. Steve and everyone else had to leave earlier to get the compound ready for Tony to come home. Obviously the workshop was off limits, with the number of tools and privacy features installed. With the help of F.R.I.D.A.Y, all alcohol was removed from the building, which was an impressive, if not worrying amount and they set up the medical bed for Tony in the main floor as all of them decided that the penthouse would not be a safe place for him.

 

If felt like they weren’t even halfway ready when a familiar black SUV arrive and with the help of Happy, Tony came out and Steve rushed to help. Tony was still pretty high on morphine, so he had a cute dazed expression on his face.

 

He looked up at Pepper and tugged lightly on her sleeve with trembling hands, Steve found out that Tony’s previous accident had messed up his muscles, making his hands constantly shake. It hurt him to think that it would keep Tony from building, the thing that he loved, as it required precision. Pepper look down to him and lowered herself till she was on eye level with the genius of that he could whisper: “I thought I was going home Pep.” in a tiny voice.

 

She glanced up to Steve, then back to Tony and said, “This is home honey.” She received an almost frantic head shake. “Then where is home Tony?” To Steve horror, tears began to pool in his deep brown eyes.

 

“I don’t know Pepper.” He said brokenly. “I don’t think I have one.”

 

The only sign that she heard him was a shaky exhale and she got back up and saw the heartbroken look on Steve’s face. He tried to tell himself that it was just the drugs talking, that Tony didn’t really believe that. But recent events stopped it from happening. Rhodey was in the compound so that the presence of others wouldn’t scare him as much and as soon as Tony saw his best friend, he tried to jump up to him, to then be force back to the chair by Happy.

 

Due to the pain medication, he fell asleep almost as soon as he sat back in the chair, which made things one hundred times easier for Pepper, Happy and Steve. They had to lift Tony into the bed and Steve tried hard to ignore the worry when he could clearly feel the outline of the inventor’s ribs, and at how easy it had been to lift him. It was awful to see him so fragile, having to be picked up and pushed around, without a doubt Tony hated it too and would probably fight anyone who tried to help.

 

“You are not going to hurt him Steve” He whipped around to see Happy behind him as Pepper fixed the pillows and sheets. “I’ll try not to” He replied.

 

“That’s not good enough. You and I both know he won’t admit when he’s upset and will avoid any feelings like the plague, so I’ll have to do this for him. I’ve worked with him for over ten years, helped him through the drinking and fighting and hook-ups and I refuse to let him get hurt again. He tries you know? When you all first came to live here he spent hours trying to perfect your room, make new equipment, even get food you would like. And then the whole mess with the accords happened and he was broken. He lost everyone. Now that you’re back in his life he’s gonna think that you’re here out of guilt. And if you are then leave now. If not then you are here to stay, and you will make it up to him and look out for him because no one ever does. You will keep an eye on him even when he’s better because everyone thinks he’s the Tony Stark you see in the media but he’s not. And I’m telling you now, if you hurt him again I will run you over multiple times and leave your body in the road. Got it?”

 

Steve just swallowed and nodded. Tony had some terrifying friends.

 

Happy and Pepper, once satisfied with their work, tip-toed out of the room and gently let the door shut leaving just Steve and a very drugged up Tony. He took a moment to fully appreciate the genius up close, without the masks and sarcasm. He discovered that Tony's hair was curly, gentle waves that stuck out in all directions, a beautiful chocolate colour with streaks of grey that made him look dignified instead of older. Looking up close, he saw hundreds of freckles that were dotted all over Tony's cheeks and nose, dancing around his eyes. For once in his life Tony actually look peaceful, stress, guilt, regret was all washed away making him look younger than ever. Steve always knew that Stark was an attractive man but he never fully noticed, and now it bought up feelings he had tried to push down for so long.

 

But then there were the scars. They weren't unattractive, or make Tony any less beautiful, but they constantly reminded Steve of the pain Tony had been though. Everyone seemed to think that Tony was invincible, emotionless but these past few days opened Steve (and no doubt the other Avengers eyes).

 

Sure, The Civil War might've pushed Tony over the edge, but surely Steve could've done something. Hell, it was clear the genius didn't have much opposition to getting hurt ever since New York. and yet he sat by and didn't care for his friend. And now look where they were. How he just had to find some way to make it up to Tony. How can you fix something like this? What can you give a man who has literally everything?

 

There was a tiny scar above his left eyebrow. One under his earlobe. A thin line just under his chin. There were stories behind them that Steve craved to hear, to help get rid of the pain that they left. Worst of all was his hands, which was unsurprising.  Old burns littered his fingertips, while tiny scratches covered his palm. In the centre of his hand, there was a section unlike the others. The skin was courser and seemed out of place. Skin graft. What on earth could've happen to cause that?

 

His eyes lingered downwards and saw white fabric under the long sleeves and remorse flooded through his veins. It was strange really. When he first met Tony he was narcissistic, brass and witty. But now he knew it was fake. That the real Tony was broken. Hidden away. Steve cursed whoever made Tony feel the need to hide and pretend to be someone he wasn't.

 

Snapping out of his daze he looked up to be engulfed in darkness. It was pointless to try and sleep, what with nightmares and recent events. Plus he needed to make sure Tony was ok though the night, so instead of getting ready to sleep, he grabbed a blanket and shuffled for a moment to find a comfortable position in the chair next to Tony's bed. The gentle breaths coming from the older man filled the room and Steve took a moment to glance at the breathtaking views of New York.

 

It had changed a lot since he was a child, so it was like a new experience every time he look outside to the skyline. Light from neighbouring towers illuminated the streets below, cars covering roads despite the late hours with people swinging in-between the towers and wandering in the city.

 

Wait. Swinging?

 

And sure enough, a certain Spider Kid (Steve refused to call him a man since he was barely even a teenager.) carrying a white box. He waved excitedly at the Captain and motioned for him to open the window. When Steve obliged, he fell came in with less grace than you would expect from the vigilante. He pulled the mask off his face and beamed at Steve and shoved the box in his hands, When Steve lifted the lid, he saw a Red velvet cake, with writing that he couldn't make out in the darkness. He was abou to thank Peter and a whimper came from the bed behind him.


End file.
